Never Again
by justx4xbeingxme
Summary: A misterious girl meets each Maraurder, Lily, Molly, Alice, Lucius, Frank, Arthur, Snape... And find things nobody knows. Get to know their secret desires, ails, likes & dislikes. First one to meet: Remus. CHAPTER 3 UP! R&R plz
1. Never Again Ch 1

Declaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.  
  
Author's brief note:  
  
This isn't the usual thing I write. I'm just experimenting with something new so it would be really useful if you could review a nice constructive critical thought. Please. Enjoy!!  
  
Never Again  
  
Chapter 1: ** Back from nowhere **  
  
My P.O.V.  
  
As I followed the old man with long gray hair wearing long dark blue robes with shinny gold moons all over it. I think about my past and how I've changed. I still have that black long hair and navy blue eyes, I'm taller and thinner. But I'm still the same lonely person I used to be in 7th grade. Even though I'm now 19, my eyes and face reflect 16, sometimes a problem and some others an advantage.  
  
The old man opens a wood old huge door and tends his hand signaling to me I have to enter that room. Totally frightened with sweaty hands and trembling knees I step inside. The crowd stares at me smiling and I at them askingly. I recognize, Frank Longbottom and his wife Alice, Arthur Weasly and his wife Molly with four children standing around them, Peter, Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans and Remus Lupin. They all looked almost the same, older, I shall say.  
  
"Welcome" I hear Dumbledore, the old man, saying to me. "To The Order of the Phoenix."  
  
I try to smile but I really don't feel like it. They are waiting for me to say something but my mouth's dry and my mind's in blank.  
  
"Hi" I hear myself saying, my voice sounds weak and distant.  
  
Everyone answers, and then spread around. After almost everyone was paying attention to other things a slightly buzz filled the room. I felt out of context for a while when a man walked up to me smiling.  
  
"Hey" He said. "Long time, no see. Where have you been?"  
  
I felt my face turning slightly red. "Well, after you left Hogwarts I stayed there to finish my education. After that, everything's story. What about you?"  
  
"I left Hogwarts and just began to work on my auror career. And that's all."  
  
I nodded and asked. "Wife or children?"  
  
He laughed pulling his head back shortly. "No way!" Then got a serious expression. "Not that I'm not planning to have one. And you?"  
  
A tiny smiled was drawn in my face. "No. I'm too young and. well, never mind."  
  
"And what?" He asked walking up to a couch that seemed really comfortable and patting the place next to him.  
  
I sat where he patted and sighed. "You won't understand Remus."  
  
"What makes you believe that?" He asked putting all his attention in me.  
  
"Well, I've never had many friends. I'm always working or up to new things that are not certainly related to my social life." I sighed again and stared at my hands laying on my lap together.  
  
I felt his shamming look but didn't turn to face him. Then I heard him sighing to and putting his arms back on his neck, pulling his foot up to his leg and saying in almost a whisper. "Remember the day we met?"  
  
Then I looked at him. How to forget that day? My first day as a prefect. I did remember. as if it was yesterday..  
  
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"Where's the purpose of life when you can't get all you want?" I read lowly. The place I'm hiding is tiny and dark, my wand is conjured to float giving the place a faint light. Barely useful to read, but effective. I don't feel proud of myself hiding from people, I'm not a talkative person, I don't consider myself pretty, my mind's always in books and school. Big crowds frightened me.  
  
I hear something, a whisper, but not a human one. It the coat of something whispering with the move of the breeze. But there was no breeze, I was sure the windows were closed. I open the door so that just my eye could see outside and sneak through it. A tall boy with nut colored hair and wearing school robes was standing there almost facing me. His looked tired and almost old, but his eyes revealed his age, no more than 18.  
  
I hesitated for a moment and sighed deeply. I must had done some noise cause she looked around confused. He started walking, my heart banging painfully at every step of him. I was afraid. Afraid of his thoughts, what would he think if he found me here? My prefect badge blinked at the light of my wand and I felt embarrassed. What was a prefect doing inside a closet with a pile of forbidden books stolen from the Forbidden Section in the library? Aww. what am I going to do? They are going to take the badge and title off me and this is the only good thing I've ever won in my life. But what was Dumbledore thinking making me a prefect? Me, a stupid, awful, quiet, unsocial, library rat.  
  
My thoughts were interrupted by a knocking on the closet's door. This is the moment in which I want to apparate. Damn! I say to myself, no one can apparate in Hogwarts and you are too young! Not even this can be possible to make your life easier and happier. The boy opened the door slowly, it cracked at every second and my heart stopped for a moment. We stared facing each other looking confused. Then I realized he was crying silently, I didn't notice that when I first saw him, but now it was really clear. Then a retard reaction came to me as I tried to hide the pile of books behind my skirt, which was long enough to hide them all. My wand fell with a low "tick" to the floor and I grabbed it stepping outside the closet. He was still staring at me, I felt his look right on me without looking back.  
  
"A-a-are you all right?" I asked shyly. He sat on the floor holding his head with both hands still crying. Then turned to look at me and I noticed his eyes were red and filled with tears, I couldn't tell if they were angry or sad tears.  
  
"Do I seem to be all right?" He asked almost nastily.  
  
"Sorry, I'll go." I grabbed my bunch of books and took my wand into my pocket, then was about to leave when I heard him saying.  
  
"No, I am sorry. Is just that this is not the best day of my life." He said standing up walking up to the window and staring at the grounds. I supposed he had lots of things to think about. He looked like those people that just seem to think a lot. Thinkers or something like that.  
  
"May I ask why?" I said cautiously putting my book in the nearest table and standing next to him.  
  
"Well, I just got here and. and." His eyes began to drop again painfully, he tried to calm down which took him a bit more than a minute, then he continued. "I realized that I've been fighting to get something that I don't seem to deserve. You know what I mean?"  
  
I nodded sadly looking around. "That's the story of my life. But what's that that you can't have?"  
  
He laughed sarcastically and laid on the wall. "Promise me you won't laugh at me and won't tell anyone."  
  
I laughed in my insides, he really thought I could tell someone. That was impossible since I don't have any friends. "Don't worry I won't."  
  
He sighed again and looked straight into my eye. This made me feel uncomfortable so I just tried to avoid his look. "I wanted so much to be Head Boy."  
  
I didn't laugh, I didn't had the intention to. I knew what he was talking about, more or less. Then he said. "I know it is stupid, but I have the best grades in my house and even in my generation. I don't know why.." He stopped talking abruptly making me understand this was the "deserve" thing part of the story. "James got it."  
  
My eyes turned wide open and I looked out of the window trying to apparate. After what seemed 5 minutes, but I'm sure it was more I said. "Well, I can't do much to help you. But I know how you feel and I don't feel sorry for you. Maybe it was just not meant to be."  
  
He looked back at me again and smiled. I didn't expected that reaction, then I heard him whispering. "Who are you?"  
  
I took my books and walked up to the door opened it and after stepping outside I turned around and said. "A friend." Then I left.  
  
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"Yes, I remember." I told Remus after a while.  
  
"You really helped me that night." This answer was not what I thought he was going to say.  
  
"I did?" I said looking at him with a sweet but confused expression. I had no idea I really helped someone during school. I didn't think I really get to say something useful or smart.  
  
He sighed one last time. "Yes, you did." I felt his arms around me not knowing what to do. After a while I just hugged him back.  
  
What do you think? **sighs** I like it. but the opinion that counts here is from the readers so please review and tell me if you like it or not and what should I change to make it better. **hehe** Hope you enjoyed it!! 


	2. Never Again Ch 2

Author's brief note:  
  
Hey! I'm glad some of you liked my story. Most of the reviewers told me that they didn't understand some things. I hope I can help with this chapter. Anyway feel free to ask whatever you don't get. * winks *  
  
Never Again  
  
Chapter 2: ** Nameless and loveless **  
  
My P.O.V.  
  
That night I couldn't sleep. The room was dark and cold, but the covers of my bed warmth my body. I looked around a couple of times studying the person laying in the next bed. Lily Evans a extremely beautiful woman with long bright red curly hair and huge emerald green eyes was lost in a deep sleep. Then I remembered, the first day in my whole life I was noticed. Not by her exactly, but someone noticed and remembered me.  
  
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As always I sat in a far corner of the Great Hall at breakfast time staring at my plate. It was empty, I was not hungry. I thought about OWLS and my dream of being an auror when someone or something interrupted my thoughts.  
  
A great brun owl was standing in front of me with a tiny piece of paper attach to its leg.  
  
"Oh..." that was everything I could say. Then I took the parchment and began reading. The owl flew away oddly. The letter was pretty short, it was mostly a note.  
  
- Look for me in the Owlery in 15 minutes. -  
  
That was something new. Who in the whole school really had the desire of meeting me secretly? It must be a mistake. Or maybe not. However there's nothing to lose by going. If the note is not for me, I would just improve something like: I'm going to send a letter. To whom? No idea, but that was something nobody cared.  
  
So filled in curiosity I started walking upstairs to the famous Owlery. When I got there I stared at the door feeling nervous. I put my pale white hand in the doorknob but after I could pull it open, someone inside opened it before me.  
  
I looked into his eyes and he did so with mines.  
  
"I was waiting for you.." He said calmly and walked back into the room. It smelled really shitty. I grinned nastily at the place and at the awful quantity of sleeping owls, but then looked out the window. I had a perfect view of the grounds. The Forbidden Forest, the black deep lake, the light green quiddich pitch with the houses' towers and the goal posts... Everything was there. I smiled, something really rare in me. He laid his hand on my shoulder and sighed. I stepped back looking confused and in a rush of nerves said.  
  
"W-w-what do you want from me?" He looked at me raising an eyebrow, making me understand that sounded in a wrong way.  
  
"I'm not going to hurt you." He said with a weakly faked laugh. " I just wanted to know your name."  
  
"My name?" I said most to myself than to him.  
  
"No your twin sister's name..." He joked. "Of course your name. Or is that you don't have one."  
  
I nodded, then asked. "Yours?"  
  
He lend me a hand and said smirking. "Remus Lupin."  
  
"Oh.." I tossed my hair back and shook his hand, then heard his weak tired voice again.  
  
"I really want to know your name." The bell rang signaling all the students to go to their first class, I ran to the door and opened it then started running downstairs without looking back. I knew he was chasing me.  
  
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Slowly my eyes began to close. I was falling asleep and the sun was already setting.  
  
A couple of hours later Lily grabbed my shoulder and shook me slightly repeating my name. I opened my eyes lazily and sat on the bed.  
  
"Good Morning." She said smiling brightly already dressed with a short blood red dress that made her flame curls glow laying heavily on her shoulders.  
  
"Morning." I answered, not even looking up. Stretching slightly my arms I gazed to the showers. Twenty minutes later I was already dressed, my long black hair flung in my back as I put on my black long coat. As I walked downstairs the enthusiastic conversation caught my ears coming from the kitchen. I opened the door, everyone was there, they looked at me weirdly. Suppose they were not used to have such a young kid in the meetings.  
  
Dumbledore and Remus walked up to me smiling politely.  
  
"What about some bacon an eggs?" Dumbledore offered.  
  
"No thanks." I smiled weakly.  
  
Remus shook his head. "You haven't changed."  
  
I laughed also weakly. "Just coffee." Remus looked at me confused, I realized coffee was a muggle drink.  
  
"Muggle drink." I cleared my point as he nodded.  
  
"Do you fancy a walk?" This suggestion took me for surprise, but I understood he wanted to talk about something important. I had plenty of time so I agree with him. We went to the backyard, which was hilariously enormous. Full of colorful flowers of all types, shapes and colors (I even thought I spotted one black flower) and huge green trees with glowing light green leaves, huge strong trunks and large curly roots. The fresh smell of grass caught my senses. His face looked worried and slightly blushed, his hands in his pockets were moving nervously as he walked along with me.  
  
"What ails you?" I asked almost immediately. He didn't spoke a word until we were really deep in the garden. Then he sat on the ground and patted the place next to him. I didn't asked again, there was no need, I just sat where he signaled me.  
  
"Yesterday, that you got to The Order I felt something weird recalling when we met."  
  
I raised an eyebrow trying to comprehend what he was saying. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Well," He sighed. "I told you I wanted to be Head Boy.. and practically I told you I was jealous about James."  
  
I nodded. "And that was not the only reason." He completed the idea.  
  
"I know.." I said cautiously, it was a pretty delicate subject. Then I remembered.  
  
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After running off the Owlery I went to my first class. Potions. It was like every class. Boring. After two more classes I walked back to the Great Hall, every single student at Hogwarts was there, so I felt, like always, out of context.  
  
It was such a pretty noon that I decided to immerse myself into the books fairy world. I gazed to the library, then. My favorite seat, between Care of Magical Creatures section and Divination section was deserted, but after I could even set my things on the table I heard something. Two people laughing. A girl and a boy, I could recognize. So I smirked between the shelves and spotted one tall, skinny, flame red haired girl and a boy with muscular body, hazel eyes, wearing golden round glasses. My skin turned blood red as they kissed around the Potions section. I turned around and sighed deeply not knowing what to do. As a prefect, I told to myself, you should say something. But as a girl you should shut up and continue your reading, and that's what I did. Sat and took out an old huge book trying to concentrate, but it was awful, they were so noisy! Then I heard something else, a heavy breath coming from the other side of the section. I stood up confidently and looked around, and there he was Remus, again, smirking, just as I did, between the shelves.  
  
"Um.." I cleared my throat. "Excuse me, but you shouldn't." My sentence was interrupted by his look, Again, sad and tired. "Are you okay?" I let my curiosity talk. He examined me for a while and staring at his feet said lowly. "No."  
  
Another rush of curiosity talked. "What's wrong?"  
  
"He.." He pointed to the other side of the shelf where the two people were making out.  
  
"Oh..." I understood wrongly. "Yes, I know it is SO annoying. People thinks this is a Hotel. They" I also pointed at the other side of the shelf. "Should get a room, I'm sure there must be one in Hogwarts made specially for that kind of kinkiness."  
  
He widen his eyes and faked a laugh. "That's not what I'm referring to." He took his pile of books from the floor and started walking outside, lowering his head at every new step. I followed him forgetting about my schoolbag.  
  
"Then?" He stopped abruptly and I could notice a tear falling to the floor directly from his eye. "He's stolen everything I dreamed."  
  
I sighed and didn't say anything for a while, then I realized he was waiting for an answer. "If you dreamed about it, then you don't own it, so he can't steal something from you." That was certainly not the answer he expected, but I was not the person everybody expected me to be.  
  
"I suppose." He said coldly. "You haven't fell in love."  
  
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We stared at each other, me containing tears. It was a tuff thing to remember and not just because he felt upset about James being a Head Boy and Lily's boyfriend. Then I remembered I had my own ails.. my own failed dreams.  
  
That's it for this chapter. I hope you liked it! Review and tell me what you think. Also if you got any chance read my fic "Where does love come from?" *winks* 


	3. Never Again Ch 3

Author's brief note:  
  
Hey hey ppl !!! Even though I just have two reviews from Second Chappy I decided to write this one cause I have nothing else to do, so . Enjoy!! kk??  
  
Chapter 3: **Suicidal Thoughts vs. True Love**  
  
My P.O.V.  
  
Okay, this was a really calm week, I have to accept it. Things are nice now that I don't live alone, the Order is going great and Dumbledore is always really kind and nice with me. I'm getting to know this part of me that I didn't, I'm actually making friends, really good friends. Remus and I spend the nights talking about how we used to be and how much things have changed. I never thought this could happen, now I have a best friend.  
  
This seems to be a day just like the others. Molly is with her head inside the fridge looking for something to eat for her children. Arthur and Frank are playing chess, James and Sirius sitting each in front of the other playing who laughs first, Alice and Lily sitting on the living room talking with an eye on Molly's kids. I'm here, sitting on the stairwell not really feeling like talking or playing or cooking . this is the first time in 2 weeks that I really feel myself, sad, mysterious, quiet, always thinking, always wondering . always wanting something else.  
  
I've noticed I'm one of those people that remembers things no one else remembers, or no one else wants to remember .. Like the last dance, not for me really, for the Marauders.  
  
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A cold autumn night. Almost black sky, orange trees freezing lake. Everyone in the dorm was like crazy combing, fixing, brushing their hair make up, clothes, shoes everything on the floor. I couldn't even see the carpet. I was sitting on my bed, as always, alone and quiet just waiting for the best moment to leave the room. I was wearing a black long strapless dress with a black sweater. My hair, as always, laying heavily on my shoulders, no make up in my face.  
  
I started walking towards the door and just after leaving I spotted a dirty blonde haired girl sitting on her bed crying of frustration. I don't know why girls act like that, mostly those girls. They are perfect, blonde hair, curves in the exact places, awesome green or blue eyes, what else can they ask for?  
  
I finally step in the Common Room, a bunch of guys turn to look at me, obviously thinking I'm someone else. They turn around again not paying attention to me. I'm getting used to it. Exiting the Common Room through the portrait, that's how I escape of those reject feelings that ignorance puts in me. To be honest, who cares about them? Who wants to be with them? They are all a bunch of horny teens that just want to take a good girl to bed. Well, I'll tell you something I'm not that type of foolish female.  
  
The Great Hall was almost empty when I got there, Prof. McGonagall was talking with Prof. Dumbledore and exactly at the moment when I stepped in they faced me smiling.  
  
"Hi!" Dumbledore said with that sweet smile and glowing friendly eyes. I just nodded smiling back not feeling like starting a chat with them. Some fourth years where there too. Girls standing in one side of the dance floor and boys in the other, I don't now why they don't just get closer and chat. Just chat nothing else they don't have to dance if they don't want to, just like me. To be honest, again, I don't like dancing actually I don't even know how. I'm scared of making a fool of myself but however I think no one will notice me dancing. Not even if I dance naked with a "Loser" advertisement hanging from my forehead.  
  
Now that I look around again, the Hall is full. I recognize every face. James Potter teasing Lily Evans "Miss Perfect", Lucius Malfoy holding Narcissa's hand and whispering something into her ear, Arthur Weasly asking Molly for a dance .. everyone seem to be having fun. Everyone except me, of course. The music was way too loud and it was only half past nine, my head was starting to ache badly when I realized something outside, the grounds had changed. I tried to excuse myself twenty times with the professors, then left and walked upstairs. Planning my arrival to my dorm, I was thinking about continue my reading for my Potions Class homework when something else caught my attention. The door that took to the roof was fully open. It was rare, maybe someone was there, as a prefect my duty was to check no one was. A huge weight landed in my stomach as I started walking upstairs. I stepped outside closing my sweater and started walking around admiring the clear sky with glowing stars.  
  
I don't know how much time I spent there watching the sky when something strange caught my ear. Then I recalled what I was supposed to be doing. It seemed to be someone crying. It seemed to be someone crying really scared. When I turned to my left and gave almost three steps I spotted him. Standing in the corner of the roof, not crying (thing that surprised me) but he looked scared and about to jump and kill himself. I stepped backwards not wanting to interrupt, but it was too late. He faced me with his dark brown deep eyes. It was almost impossible, I didn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it. Sirius Black, he didn't know me but certainly I knew him. James Potter's best friend, classified as the hottest guy at Hogwarts, second in his DADA class and the worst prankster ever.  
  
We stared at each other almost five minutes, then he lowered the stepped backwards. I turned speechless, my heart banging against my chest walls painfully, my lungs tired of breathing and my eyes wide open looking almost black. Everything happened so fast, he ran to the door and went downstairs slamming the door just after leaving. I thought about running behind him, but I was just not that type of rescuer person.  
  
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"I still don't know.." I whisper to myself still sitting in the staircase.  
  
"Are you okay?" Molly asks staring at me raising both eyebrows. I just nod and smile.  
  
"Lunch is ready." She says and both of us enter the kitchen. Everyone was there, except Remus. I suppose he's still in that "duty" Dumbledore gave him. Half an hour later everyone leaves the kitchen and some of them the house. Just Lily, James and I left. It is certainly going to be a long afternoon. I'm sitting in the far corner of the table waving my wand while in the other side of the kitchen the dishes are washing themselves and flying to their exact places. In front of me is sitting Lily reading a huge leather black book. James is outside trying to lead with the gnomes.  
  
I know they are in love, I know they really want each other, I even know that is has always been like that, I think everyone knows that. Nothing had changed since they left school, James always runs his fingers through his hair messing it up and plays with that old snitch he stole from the school's equipment. Lily still reads a lot, she spends seventy five percent of her time immersed between letters. I wonder when will they notice they are meant to be together. Some one knocks the front door and I wake from my thought. The loud sound of a broken dish fills the house.  
  
"Reparo!" I say and the dish lays on the other side of the table. My hand reaches the doorknob and opens the door. Remus smiles brightly at me and kisses my cheek.  
  
"I forgot my keys." He says enthusiastically and walks into the kitchen leaving his coat on the floor and looking around.  
  
"Hey Lily." Lily doesn't answer just smiles still looking at the book stands up and goes outside. Remus looks at me and laughs. Im unwrinkling his coat and hanging it on a chair.  
  
"Im starving." He smiles at me and takes his wand out. Waving and flicking it five minutes later a sandwich is on a plate waiting for him.  
  
" So how was your day?" I ask him and sit in front if him forgetting about the dish washing.  
  
"Bit boring .. But I suppose it could be worst. What about yours?"  
  
"Mine was boring too .." He pushes his dish forward and sighs.  
  
"What about you and me going to dance tonight?" He stares at me waiting for a reaction. I'm speechless, nothing to say comes to my mind. I've never been in a date, I just guess this is not a date date hust two friends that hope to have some fun.  
  
"Okay" My voice sounds weak and distant as if someone else is talking. James walks in and looks from Remus to me and back.  
  
"Hey guys" I hear him saying and sitting next to me. "What you doin?"  
  
Remus answers. "Nothing special, you know. We were talking about going to dance, why don't you join us?"  
  
"You could even invite Lily." It was time to do something about them. It was time for them to realize they were meant to be together. James smiles almost evilly and nods then says.  
  
"Okay I will. Just a sec .." Then he exited the kitchen once again and went outside with Lily. Remus and I stared at each other for a while trying to hear what was James telling Lily. Then he laughed weakly and whispered to me.  
  
"That one was nice .. good idea telling him to invite Lily, I didn't want to bother him. You know I've been telling him the same thing since we left school. I remember he was always inviting her out, somehow when we left he stopped it. I'm of that idea of trying as many times as it is possible and necessary." We laughed and then look at the door waiting for something to happen. Then after almost ten minutes both entered the room smiling.  
  
Lily looked at me smirking then I excuse both of us and went with her upstairs. We sat on her bed talking about non sense for a while, then I came up with the thing I was interested in.  
  
"So .. James still fancies you." She smiled and her fair skin turned slightly red.  
  
That's it for this chapter, couldn't think of something else srry . However coming up nxt. does Lily still likes James? What's happening between Remus and this mysterious girl?. The dance floor is a riscky place to be in. hehehe. Byebye and merry xmas to all!! 


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